Scars
by april-lei9
Summary: The markings on their face leave a story untold.
1. 01 Nightly Terrors

**Rating:** M

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own anything.

 **01\. Nightly Terrors**

The nights at Skyhold were rarely warm. The chilling wind from the mountain peaks would leave Lumiere tossing and turning in her bed late into the night. Her window would occasionally hit against the frame with each passing gust. Lumiere stared at the ceiling of her room, her thoughts wandering around as the hours rolled by closer to dawn. Lately she had been unable to sleep as Corypheus had plagued her nights since the fall of Starkhaven. It had been a few weeks now since the Inquisition formed, yet the image of a great dragon nearly swallowing her whole remained etched in the depths of her mind. Lumiere turned to her side as she stared out the window. The pitch black night showed her nothing outside of those arches. This was becoming a routine she was not pleased to experience.

It must have been past midnight by now as Lumiere slid out of her bed, grabbing a robe to done over herself. The shirt tucked underneath the silk smoothly with her long pants covering the skin of her legs. She crept across the room towards the door. The icy surface sent a shiver down her spine as she pushed into the wood. The door quietly let loose allowing Lumiere to sneak out through a small space before closing the entrance again. Her footsteps were barely audible on the stairs that she descended towards the great hall. She wondered if there was anyone else awake so late into the night.

The empty throne was basked in moonlight as she passed it to continued down the hall. Lumiere's shoes gave a faint knock against the floor with each step. She half expected to see the shine of candle light from the done tower of Solas' chamber. It was a surprise to see the room completely dark. She approached the main doors that were still slightly ajar. Peering through the crack, Lumiere caught sight of the warm shine on the snow that emanated from the tavern windows. There were still people inside as she could hear a few yells of joy that eerily resonated against the castle walls. Lumiere took a deep breath, bracing for the cold wind that would strike at her exposed skin. Her feet would soon be freezing as she gave a mad dash across the newly formed snow.

She nearly rolled into the tavern as she made it through the main door. She paused to glance around, hoping that she had not made too big of an entrance. Thankfully, most of the visitors had been too indulged in their alcohol to notice a very clumsy Inquisitor fumble through the crowd. She also took notice of the many that also had similar nightly attire. People must have had trouble sleeping as well, she thought. Lumiere could make out some familiar faces of the soldiers as well as the new recruits that had arrived just days prior. The Inquisition was quickly growing, attracting all sorts of interesting individuals from every corner of the world. Her advisers must have been quite busy to gather such a lively group so soon.

Lumiere continued to walk through the tavern before finding a seat at a small table in the far corner. She could see Bull across the room sharing a long story with his men in a circle as each chimed in to finish the tale. Krem was shooting jokes on the side to liven up the atmosphere as Bull retaliated back. One of the waitresses walked over to Lumiere shortly. Her soft blonde curls shaped her face that smiled gently from cheek to cheek. The woman leaned forward a little to take her order.

"Burton Ale, please." Lumiere spoke up as the woman jotted down the note. She quickly left as she appeared to fulfill the request. The roaring voices of the tavern continued to drown out all thought she tried to weave together. It wasn't exactly prime time for deep philosophical breakthroughs either, considering.

She could feel her eyes getting heavier. Lumiere reached up to brush aside her straw brown hair and rub at her temples. The bangs fell idly to one side, giving a light tickle on her skin. When the waitress returned with the ale, Lumiere took in a deep drink of the beverage. The warmth ran down her throat sending sparks of dizziness to her head. She leaned back against the wall to observe the rest of the bustling tavern in a dreamy haze.

"It's a surprise seeing you here, Inquisitor."

Lumiere turned her head to her side slowly. Her lack of sleep was starting to take its toll as the dim light of candles danced with the brilliant brown hue of her neighbor's eyes.

"I could say the same to you." Lumiere murmured under her breath. There was a rush of confidence with her next word, "Commander."

Cullen let a low chuckle. "I guess you're right."

It certainly was unusual to find people of the war table at a tavern. Needless to say, so late at night as well. Lumiere had never seen Lelianna outside of her study at the tower while Josphine slaved over her paperwork until the depths of the night. Cassandra occasionally would leave her work to assist the Inquisitor on the field. Only afterwards would she join her company with Varric to spend the rest of the day at rest. Yet this was the first time Lumiere had seen Cullen outside of his normal routine. Normally he would retire to his office within Skyhold. Normally he would turn away from her passing and offer little words while with her alone. Normally he would never be so close to her arm. It was unusual.

From the corner of her eye she could see him take a sip from his own mug. His gaze was fixated on the people singing by the fireplace. Cullen was mainly out of his usual attire and in casual wear. Suddenly, Lumiere realized how foolish she must have been in just her robe with a loose shirt and pants underneath. In the presence of the Inquisition Commander, her whole appearance was outright disgraceful.

"The night has been keeping you up then, Commander?" She tried to trail in a new conversation hoping to keep her mind off of her current state. "Bad dreams?"

"Terribly bad dreams. Andraste couldn't help me back to sleep." Cullen paused from his drink to turn his attention in her direction. "So I come down here occasionally at night. There are less familiar faces by now and anyone who is around that I know are either too hammered to recognize me or passed out on the floor. It creates a sort of... anonymity. And the sounds drown out my thoughts enough for me to calm down."

Lumiere nodded slightly. She could sympathize with his statement but her shoulders still felt tense. The Commander rarely left his office much less the war table. Seeing him out in the public alongside her teammates made Lumiere a bit nervous. She was expecting him to comment on her ragged appearance or how ill fit she was to run an Inquisition. At least that would have seemed much more 'normal' than what she was seeing. His eyes would always follow her, always analyzing her every move. It was as if he constantly waited for her to fail at her duties. Lumiere felt her head spin as her throat began to dry. She glanced to her side to a familiarly distant gaze that stared back.

"And you?" Cullen asked to follow up.

"I'm afraid that I'm in the same boat." Lumiere shrugged with a hint of laughter in her voice, "Nightmares aren't the best of company."

Cullen scratched his chin idly. "I'm with you on that one. At least you're much more pleasant for company that screaming women with bleeding eyes whose teeth fall out."

"That's..." Lumiere paused, "Gruesome. I wish my dreams do not tread in that path anytime soon."

"I hope you don't have to see those women either." Cullen chuckled.

Their conversation grew silent allowing the tavern noise to deafen their surroundings again. Lumiere's eyes widened as she took note of how near the Commander was to her shoulder. His lips pursed when his forearm brushed against hers. The heat radiating off his touch caused Lumiere to catch her breath. Without thinking she leaned towards the warmth.

And in that instant Cullen pulled away. The red sneaked across his cheeks. His ears felt scorched.

Lumiere attempted to remember how to breathe. The flush of her skin burned now. Maybe it was the ale after all.

"D-does it hurt?"

Cullen's grip on his mug tightened. The skin on the back of his neck formed goosebumps. "What?"

"You have a scar." He could see the cogs in her brain turn, trying desperately to search a new subject. Something... anything to tread away from his current state of blunder. Lumiere looked back up to face him. Her calm was slowly hardening, casting forth a mask to conceal her nervousness. "Does it still hurt?"

"No," Cullen let out a quiet sigh. He attempted to follow along on the conversation. "It used to. But it healed over time."

"Oh..." Lumiere broke her gaze to look back at her mug. The tavern bustle returned to her thought. She looked up to see that no one had moved from their places as people continued to enjoy the night. She took in a sharp breath before continuing. "Sometimes my vallaslin throbs... but then I remember after whom it was carved into my skin and I feel that I can continued carrying her sign. The pain becomes irrelevant."

"Does it give you strength?"

Lumiere reached up to her eye unconsciously. Her fingers traced at the markings as Cullen inched forward with every move. She turned to face him once more, merely seconds away. It surely must have been the ale. "These markings are devoted to Sylaise. She is someone I look up to. Someone I wish to live by example."

"You must be proud then?" Cullen's voice grew deeper. The sound that came from his throat was low and guttural. His body tensed to regain control.

"I... I thought I was," Lumiere searched her brain to form a response, "Solas said something peculiar not too long ago... about my marking. He said that the true history of the vallaslin is not as pleasant as I imagine it. I'm rather boggled by his statement."

A grim silence drew over her face. She was now focused elsewhere without paying much mind to everything around her. Cullen's brows furrowed. He looked down at his drink that swirled against the mug surface.

"It seems like you two have a hard time getting along." His statement brought her back quickly. Lumiere's head snapped in his direction with confusion in her eyes.

"I...no, I don't think that's the case," She let her fingers tighten around her cup until her knuckles turned white, "Solas is a very valued teammate. He has much knowledge and advice. I am lucky to know such a person that does not look down at my simplicity."

Cullen raised an eyebrow, "Simplicity? I hardly believe you're that simple."

His sudden laugh caused Lumiere to startle in her seat. The man's smile was contagious.

"Maybe young... and still unsure of her position as Inquisitor, but not simple." Cullen spoke up again, "You have much to learn but you're far from being boring."

The deafening sound of the tavern was drowned out once again. The pounding in her ears made Lumiere weak in the legs. This was unexpected on her part. Lumiere was certain that the Commander was displeased with her current performance as Inquisitor. She wasn't about to hear praise. She wasn't ready to head those kind of words from him. The kind words that she was unfamiliar with. The skin of her cheeks flushed a new hue. It was a different type of embarrassment now. "You're too considerate, Commander."

Cullen raised an eyebrow, "Does it bother you?"

"N-no!" Lumiere jumped in her seat. She could not look back up the man into his eyes. Her heart raced a million beats. "H-how did you get it?"

"My scar?" He questioned once more to understand the subject as Lumiere bounced all over the place. She gave a small nod, her eyes still fixated on the mug. Cullen adjusted himself as his hand fell behind her shoulder idly. He dared not allow it to touch her backside. "It was during my time at Kirkwall. It's not the most pleasant of memories to recall."

Lumiere twitched at his statement. She turned to face him with all of the strength she could muster. She could tell he was getting lost in the thought of the event. Without thinking, her hand reached up. The touch of her fingers against his lips sent another chill down Cullen's spine. Lumiere focused on the scar, avoiding his shocked stare. It took a while before she registered exactly what she had done. The consequences of her actions would be dire as she attempted to press on the conversation, hoping to distract him enough from her carelessness.

Obviously it was far too late.

"Was this because of the mage rebellion during your time as a templar?"

"Inquisitor..."

"Was it difficult for you to have to make such drastic decisions between the two parties?"

"...Lumiere."

"Did you have to choose between th-!"

The firm softness of his lips was on her skin. He leaned in to brush against the corner of her mouth, barely hovering. Cullen could hear her sharp gasp as her body stiffened under him. Her hand dropped down to his collarbone where her fingers now touched his neck. It was such an innocent gesture that still did not prevent him from advancing further. His own hand reached up to grasp hers in place. He pressed forward once more, avoiding her lips. His nose brushed against her cheek lightly. A low growl escaped him as his eyes closed to the sensation of her fragile skin.

This sound had brought her to senses. Lumiere pushed herself backwards, slamming her head into the corner wall on accident. The sharp pain rushed throughout her skull, pounding and throbbing intensely. She hissed under her breath at the impact, hoping it would not turn into a headache. Suddenly the familiar warmth of his hand snaked around her to pat her head.

"Are you alright?" His voice was filled with worry. "Can you see fine? Inquisitor?"

Lumiere looked everywhere but his face to distract her pain. The tavern was not aware of her childish mistake, nor did it seem to notice their earlier contact. Unless the whole crowd was averting their gaze. "Y-yes. It's fine."

She jumped to her feet nearly missing the candle that could have been knocked off the table along with her mug. That was not going to be another disaster she was to live through. Lumiere could feel the heat rising from her face as her vision blurred. Her head spun from a rush of anxiety. Everything... everything this man had done tonight was driving her over the edge. The Commander was a force that she could not stop and that intimidated her to no end. Lumiere grasped about to gather herself before slipping around the table. She dropped a few coins on the surface just as Cullen's palm clasped over her wrist. The sensation shot up her hand in an instant.

"I'm sorry... it's just very late and my process of thought... not the greatest at three in the morning." He barely whispered the words, "Please... allow me to walk you back to the main hall."

"N-no!" Her voice spilled out a little too loud. The people around started to take notice. "I'll be alright... thank you."

Lumiere bolted for the door. She could not recall whether he called out to her again. She could not tell whether anyone else had said anything either. Everything swam in a colorful blur as Lumiere tumbled out of the tavern and into the night snow. The weather had picked up and more flakes pilled all around. As she ran across the courtyard towards the great hall, her shoes soaked into the depths of the chilling white road. Her blazed cheeks contrasted against the winter atmosphere. Thoughts raced far too quickly for her to attempt to process them. The corner of her mouth burned.

The only thing clear on her mind was an immense urge to crawl into a cave and never see the light of day.

Unfortunately, that day was only hours away. And Cassandra had scheduled an early morning meeting at the war table.


	2. 02 Tempting Addictions

**Rating:** M

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own anything.

 **02\. Tempting Addictions**

The wooden ceiling was etched into Cullen's mind that morning. After scrambling into his room he tried desperately to get a few hours in before he had to attend the war table. However, his mind raced too quickly and the bags under his eyes did not help conceal his nightly activities to his colleagues. He could just imagine the frowns he would receive from Josephine and Leliana for his lack of physical appearance. Cassandra may respond differently. She was starting to become more concerned about his lyrium situation that could lead to sleepless nights.

But it wasn't even their response that he dreaded the most. The woman who stood across the war table, avoiding his eye contact like her life depended on it, made him sweat mad. Lumiere was hunched over, staring intently at the map as she conversed with Cassandra over their next plan of action. Her shoulders were tense nonetheless despite her trying to keep up a mask. The cheek looked rosy and tender under the hair strands that hugged her skin. The right corner of her mouth had a natural upward dip that showed a small smirk only noticeable if one looked closely.

Or had a chance to kiss it.

Cullen choked slightly at the thought bringing unwanted attention to himself from the group. Even Lumiere glanced up as their eyes locked for a quick second before breaking contact. Her face flushed a new shade trying desperately to focus on the map.

"Everything alright with you, Cullen?" Cassandra spoke up.

"Yes." Cullen mustered the best throaty response he could, "Sorry."

He looked back to Lumiere who had no intention of giving him another glance. Yet, Cullen could feel the stares from everyone else around. He couldn't allow himself to wander off back to last night. The woman across from him was driving him insane. If only her hand hadn't brushed against his lips. If only her fingers didn't trace his scar. If only the green of her eyes weren't so intoxicating.

Who was he kidding?

Cullen took in a deep breath under his nose. Lumiere was pulling him in without any chance of stopping. Since her near escape from Corypheus, all of his thoughts were plagued with her safety. Every time she left Skyhold with her team put him on edge. Just as every time she returned gave him a rush of relief he craved for hours. Weeks had passed since their arrival at Skyhold and with each passing day, it was more difficult to avoid her presence. Lumiere was becoming a new addiction.

"I think that concludes it." Cassandra announced, "We'll be leaving for Crestwood in six days from now."

"I will send out my scouts to investigate in the meantime before your arrival." Lelianna chimed in. Her eyes gave a small smile that was not evident elsewhere.

"We can assist with more troops after the Inquisitor has set foot." Josephine tapped her pad, "Is that acceptable, Commander?"

There was no immediate response.

" _Commander_?" Cassandra's voice cut through the silence.

Cullen looked up from the war table once more to notice the group's attention on him yet again. "Y-yes?"

" _Yes_?" Cassandra pushed.

"Yes." Cullen straightened himself, "I will send my finest troops after the Inquisitor."

Josephine relaxed her shoulders before returning to a chipper attitude, "Excellent! I will begin contacting the villagers of Crestwood immediately."

"Then we are done here?" Lumiere softly spoke up from her side. Her eyes hid beneath her bangs, concealing whatever was on her mind.

"Yes, Inquisitor. I believe we are done." Leliana answered as she began gathering her scrolls. "I do have something I wish to discuss with you later today if you can stop by my study?"

"Of course," Lumiere nodded briskly, "I will be down there in the afternoon."

And before Cullen could react, the Inquisitor grabbed her parchments and flew out the room. Cassandra quickly followed with Josephine strolling behind. Cullen took in a deep breath. His head was spinning and a migraine was quickly setting in. With the Inquisitor dodging him, this was going to be a dreadful day after all.

"Are you sure you're alright, Cullen?" Leliana walked across the room while still maintaining her gaze on him. Cullen reached up to rub the arch under his eyebrows.

"I'll be alright." He gathered a response, carefully choosing the right words, "It's just a head pain."

"You should see the Revered Mother if it gets any worse. She could help."

"Dully noted." Cullen lowered his hand to start gathering his own materials. The wooden door closed with a small hollow sound as Leliana left the premises. His posture gave way as Cullen released his breath once more. The migraine kicked in full force.

* * *

After breakfast at the commons, Cullen had began making his way to the lower floor library within the main castle. It was a small space that had encompassed books that were not used often. The room was rounded and filled to the brim as one window barely managed to sneak in light. The candles provided most of the illumination. It was a place where Cullen would often find himself locked in to avoid the rest of the world.

He glided over the stairs quietly towards the room, avoiding the eyes of passing workers and soldiers before sliding into the depths. The hallway grew dimmer with each passing step, the air grew colder. He placed a palm over the carved wooden door and pushed forward. The scent of ancient paper filled his senses. He closed his eyes to take in the sensation.

Even as a child he enjoyed gaining knowledge. He would spent countless nights reading everything he could about the Chantry and history of Ferelden. His studious personality lead him far in life and the discipline he crafted carried him through difficult times. It was a reward to be a student of knowledge. The stillness of research gave him the peace he often craved. Training recruits and avoiding the stares of the Inquisitor was beginning to wear him down.

Cullen opened his eyes as the warm candlelight basked his face. Familiar sensations filled his mind. Along with a clump thqt fell to the bottom of his stomach.

Across the room sat a figure curled into a seat with horror that stared back.

Lumiere had a tremendous text between her knees and a roll of bread in her mouth. Her fragile hand barely kept the book in place while her other one stopped scribbling something into the paper on the desk next to her. Her bangs could not hide the shock her face donned.

He felt a surge of emotion rattle his chest. Cullen turned a new shade of red at the ears as his migraine throbbed his head. Lumiere quickly scrambled in her seat, attempting to move the book aside. Cullen took a step.

"Sorry!" She called out. He paused for a second. "I'll just put this away and be out."

Lumiere raised herself onto her feet as she stood in the chair. Her figure was elevated and Cullen forced himself to look away from her waist. She clutched the book in both hands before turning. It was then Cullen noticed the gaping hole between two more books behind the seat where her text initially belonged. He took another step.

"I'll be quick!"

Her voice shook with each word. Lumiere leaned forward to reach the bookshelf. Cullen couldn't help but focus on the gentle arch of her back that extended. She nearly placed the text onto the shelf. It was then the seat began to creak.

The chair tipped backwards.

In an instant, Lumiere dived forward, hitting her forehead against the books and collapsing into the gap between the shelves and chair. She let out a small gasp before tumbling down. Cullen nearly jumped as he rushed to catch the seat. Pulling on the handle, he toppled Lumiere back into the chair in a jumbled mess as her legs dangled over the other side. He could see the red blotch forming on her forehead. Her eyes were slightly watered from the sharp pain.

"Inquisitor!" He gave a quick hiss, "Again, your head."

He smiled slightly to himself, recalling similar events of the previous night.

Lumiere looked up. Cullen had now knelt on the floor. His one hand held the backside of her neck while the other kept on the chair armrest to keep it steady. He felt her grasp tighten around the fur on his armour. There was a light scent of rosemary that clouded his mind. Without thought he pulled her in closer as he buried his head into her shoulder. Lumiere shivered slightly against his own shoulder. He could feel her nose brushing slightly against his ear. The warmth of her breath radiated on his skin.

Cullen moved his palm from her neck down her spine. "Does it hurt?"

"No..." Lumiere barely breathed out the reply.

Cullen pressed her body closer, tilting his head slightly. His lips grazed against the hollow of her neck as he spoke, "Is it pounding?"

"Y-yes..."

Her voice gently rang in his ears.

Cullen shifted in his place. His mouth parted slightly to press a delicate kiss on the hollow. All reasonable thought escaped his mind once again as his teeth grazed her skin. He felt the thundering beat of her heart and it filled his mind to drown out everything else.

It was too late. If last night could somehow be saved, then after today nothing could be done to erase past actions. He was falling into her existence without any indication of stopping.

Lumiere's back arched into his chest further. He felt her hand snake around his neck as her fingers tangled into his hair. She gripped tightly. Her breaths grew louder into heavy moans. He took the cue to bravely undo the first button of her shirt with his free hand. The flush of her skin had traveled lower than he had access to at the present. He leaned in for another kiss.

This time she was softer than he what he could recall.

"Take her."

The voice resonated against the library walls. Cullen immediately jolted from his position. His head snapped in the direction of the speaker.

At the doorway stood his nightmare.

"That's what you want after all." The woman spoke in lyrical melodies. Cullen could feel his mind beginning to wander. "You wouldn't accept me before but maybe this elf will do?"

Cullen clenched his jaw. The tension in his shoulders reappeared. "No. I won't play this game again, demon."

He heard something shift next to him. His gaze fearfully returned to the chair and before he could react, this Lumiere had swung a leg onto his shoulder plate. Her hands had already continued his work on her shirt, exposing the sliver of skin between the buttons. She reached out to him and grabbed his fur coating before pulling harshly. Her hips pressed forward as his mouth grazed over something forbidden. He couldn't stop himself from watching her roll her eyes back, throwing her arms over her head.

" _More_."

She nudged at his chin with her lower half. Her leg pressed into his back.

Suddenly Cullen felt another pair of hands from behind. Something soft was rubbing against him now. "She's been waiting for you to take charge. You are quite good at devouring."

" _Please_."

The hands caressed around his side and slipped in the front.

"S-stop it!"

Cullen gripped the demon's hands and shoved the figure away. He yanked the leg off his shoulder roughly before rising to his feet. His eyes caught sight of this Lumiere fully exposed and sprawled on the chair. Her fingers trailed to the hemline of her pants. She gripped before pulling the fabric low.

Her tongue traced the corner of her lips. The same corner he dared to touch the night before. "But, Commander..."

" _Enough_." He growled under his breath. Cullen swung himself towards the door, storming off as he heard the aching sound behind him. He reached for the door knob before halting at the dreadful words that followed.

"Don't you want me?"

Lumiere's voice was soft, innocent... sad. Cullen gripped the metal harshly. It was doing this on purpose. It was toying with him now.

"You're a fraud." His sentence cracked with every word. His throat grew dry, "The real Lumiere is terrified of me."

"But I need you." Lumiere called out again.

The library door slammed behind him.

* * *

Cullen stared at the ceiling of his room where the moonlight crept onto the walls. His breathing was still sharp as he fought to calm his thoughts. The room spun in circles without slowing. He couldn't tell what the time was, nor did he care to know. Cullen slid upright before descending the ladder clumsily into his makeshift office. Pulling a robe from his dresser, he rushed outside where the chilling wind hit his senses.

The snow was pouring down intensely. The dark blue fabric of his robe was quickly being covered in white as he pushed his way across the barracks. The tavern light was the only thing he could focus on now, alongside that mug he would chug down to drown out his hysteria. This was the only way he could escape it all tonight. This was his only way of erasing that image of skin from his mind, if only for a brief moment.

He stopped at the door, unable to will himself to walk inside. Cullen pressed his forehead to the surface and kicked the wood. The sound of merry singing drowned out his cry.

This was getting out of hand. The nightmares were becoming uncontrollable. His thoughts couldn't be contained for much longer. And that desire demon... it was pushing his limits. Cullen slid onto the icy ground to sit by the entrance. The window above produced just enough heat to keep his back warm.

It wouldn't be long until Lumiere had to leave for Crestwood. With her departure, maybe, just maybe he could regain his iron self-control. Yet the thought of her away in some foreign land was unnerving enough as well. He didn't dare imagine her return with injuries or worse... the most undesirable end.

There was no outcome for him to win. He was falling to temptation.


End file.
